Learning to Trust

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As the summer approaches I’ve found myself more and more frustrated and a little scared, actually.

I hear my friends planning their internships in whatever field they are entering. Most of them have amazing opportunities ahead of them this summer. Opportunities that are going to give them a leg up when it comes time to graduate and find jobs next year. Many of them are leaving Minneapolis and heading all over the country and even the world. For awhile I was very ok with not having an internship this summer. It’s my last summer when I won’t have to work and I can just be a little more free. But then I think about all the experience that I am not gaining this summer and I freak out a little. I think about how the internships I applied to did not think I was a good fit and then I start to doubt my fit in the nursing profession. I start to question how prepared I will be when I graduate. And then I think, if the internships didn’t want me, what if the actual employers don’t either? Basically, I started to over think it all and I stopped trusting God’s plan.

So then I thought, let’s beef up my resume a bit. So I applied to be on the college board of my nursing school and got another resounding no. Maybe I’m trying too hard for the wrong things. I thought that I wanted the experience of planning events for my school and helping my classmates’ voices be heard, but when I got the email saying no, all I thought about was how that’s another thing I can’t put on my resume.  And maybe that’s why I got turned down. Maybe my heart just wasn’t in the right place. Maybe I need to stop trying so hard to figure it all out on my own.

I’m trying to learn to trust God. I’m trying to learn to listen to God. But it’s hard. I’m terrible at turning off my inner monologue so Christ can speak to me. But really, I am looking forward to summer, even if I am a little scared, if only so that I don’t have anymore required readings and papers to deal with. Christ does have a great plan for me. I just don’t know what, yet.

Peace and blessings

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