How do you Know He Loves you?

It’s been one of those days when I question God’s love for me. I know intellectually that he loves me, but my heart doesn’t always feel it. Luckily, love is not ruled merely by feelings. As I lay there pondering God’s love for me, part of a song from Disney’s Enchanted started going through my mind. My thoughts are in parentheses.

How do you know he loves you? How do you know he’s yours?

Well does he take you out dancin’ just so he can hold you close? (They say life’s a dance and that God wants to hold you close through it, so…yes?)

Dedicate a song with words meant just for you? (well there was that week in late January when you finally started to let God heal your old wounds and it was painful and that song “How He Loves” kept playing through your head for no reason and then they played it at the SPO event [hadn't heard it there before or since]. And now it’s kind of like our song. So YES!)

Obviously real love amounts to more than these things.  But it was what I needed at the moment. And God does show us His love by sometimes giving us “humanly” signs of affection that we long for. It’s pretty cool the ways in which God speaks to us. He can use the seemingly most random things to remind you of his presence.

I wish people broke out into song all the time

our song.

Gifted

We are all gifted.

This is a reminder I need to give myself often. We are all created in God’s image and have all been given dignity. Nobody can take that away from another. No personality trait can wipe it away. I have a tendency to judge others, often before I even get to know them. Something about them might irritate me and so I focus on that annoying trait and avoid them or I don’t treat them lovingly. But no matter how annoyed I get by someone, no matter how mad they make me, they still have human dignity. They still have gifts and I need to be better at looking for those gifts God has given each person, and not at the traits that annoy me. Because those annoying traits are more my own issues than that person’s. Lord, give me your eyes to see each person I meet as you see them. Let me not judge others by their looks or perceived intelligence or whatever other standards I have. Lord, free me from the culture of use so I may honor each person’s dignity and love them as you have called me to. Amen.

Trust Him

Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, for ever and ever. Amen

Ephesians 3:20-21

The Lord is faithful. Even when I doubt His ability to deliver, He provides and so much more so than I could ever hope for. This is a lesson I have been shown again and again.

I recently applied for the Saint Joseph Worker Program. But I began to doubt whether this was a wise move because I would put off starting my nursing career for a year. Sure, I could get assigned a volunteer placement site within the healthcare field, but none of the already designed positions I qualified for (some required fluency in Spanish) were for nurses. I feared that I would not get the experience I needed to begin a career once my year of service was over. But the Lord is faithful. He provided me with 2 possible sites that are willing to find ways for me to use my nursing skills. But even so, I questioned if not working for a year was a good idea. Would I be able to find a job in a children’s hospital if I spent a year outside of that setting? Would I really be able to develop the skills that I think I need if I’m working in the community? Can I really put off starting to pay back my loans for a year? But I met with one of the sites today. And it looks something amazing could happen if I choose to work with them. And I’d still get to work with kids. There is also a possibility (though I’m not counting my chickens before they hatch) that if all goes well, I could make a career with this organization. That is not something I’d even dared to dream of until now. The Lord saw all of my fears and He met my needs. He knows what is keeping me from trusting Him and is removing that from my path.

How many other areas of my life am I failing to trust Him with? I know that no matter what my plans and expectations are, God will deliver in a way that is so much better than I ever imagined in every area of my life. God is good. I need to stop worrying so much.

 

They will know that we are Christian by our love

As I was doing my personal prayer this morning, I started to reflect on the way we evangelize. It seems that as a whole, Christianity has resorted to shouting about God to the people around them. You have people on street corners yelling angrily about sin, judging everyone who passes by and condemning them to Hell. You have people cornering others so that they can share the Good News with them through the latest gospel tract. I’ve heard people say that they feel forced into listening, like they are being coerced into believing in God.

Don’t get me wrong, I think people need to know that they are sinners. I think that people need to know the there is hope in Christ who came to save the world. But I think we go about it wrong. God doesn’t force us to believe in Him or to love and trust Him. And I don’t think he wants His followers forcing people to either. God shows us His love and through that we come to see that He exists and that He can be trusted. He gains followers by being who He is. And if people continue to reject Him, He lets them, but He never stops loving them. I think what we need to do is to learn how to love again. We need to show people that we truly care about them. When they feel like you’ve taken the time to get to know their story and when they feel like you’ve listened and love them, then they will be more open to what you have to say. And if they still don’t like it, we still need to show them love and compassion, because God never stops showing us love and compassion. We are relational beings, made in the image of God and we need to start bringing people to God through relationship.

Approaching people on the street may sometimes work, but we have a tendency to keep pushing, even when they’ve told us they don’t want to talk to us. We need to learn to walk away, to accept rejection. And shouting on the streets may seem like the only way to reach people in this world where there are so many views being shouted. But that’s just it. Everybody is shouting. The way to reach people is to show that there is something different about you. Something has changed you and that draws people in. Something about the way you live is mysterious and beautiful. And through that people will see that Christ has changed you and He will be glorified. They may even decide that they want this transforming relationship as well.

They will know that we are Christian by our love. Let’s start showing love.

The Papacy: It Makes Sense

At least if you believe in God and His infinite wisdom. Even if you don’t, you probably understand the importance of having a leader.

With the new pope being introduced today, I can imagine that a lot of my Protestant brothers and sisters are praying for us Catholics to learn that our hope and faith are not in the Pope, praying that we abandon the papacy. They’re right in one way. Our hope and faith is in Christ alone. But it is because of that faith that we love our popes and the papacy. When Christ was about to end his earthly ministry, and was about to ascend to Heaven to take his place at the right hand of his Father, he told Peter to feed his sheep (John 21:17). Christ understood human nature. He, in his wisdom, knew that we would be easily led astray when he was no longer walking among us. So he commissioned Peter to lead us, to represent him and to guide Christ’s sheep. If Christ knew that the Christians who lived only years after his earthly ministry, many who saw him at work firsthand, could be led astray and gave them a leader, why would he not want that leadership to carry on through the ages? It has been nearly 2000 years since Christ walked the earth. It is likely that, since none of us walked with Christ on earth, without a leader to keep us from going astray we would wander far from the path. Without a leader to guide us, there would be countless factions within the christian world. There would be groups claiming that they’ve got it all right and constant divisions. But we all know that a house divided against itself cannot stand (Mark 3:25). So it makes sense that the role of leader of the Church would be passed on through the ages.

And Peter did not lead on his own. He had the other apostles to help him. And likewise, we have apostles in our day. They are the cardinals and bishops of the church. Together they help Christ’s sheep stay on the path. They keep us from being led astray and devoured by wolves. But more important than the other apostles, he had the Holy Spirit. This apostolic succession and papacy is not a man-made institution. It was started by Christ and remains guided by the Holy Spirit. The Third Person of the Trinity is involved in the selection of the bishops and the pope just as he was when the apostles replaced Judas (Acts 1:23-26). The method of choosing new apostles may be different, but the guidance of the Holy Spirit remains. He knows what the Church needs and gives it to her. And Christ promised Peter that the gates of Hell would not destroy the Church (Matthew 16:18) and that promise has held. Though there have been times when it seems the wrong man (even a terrible man) has been chosen for the role of leader, the Church is always protected because the Holy Spirit never stops guiding the ones guiding us. No matter who sits in the chair of St. Peter, the teachings of the church will always be in line with the will of God.

My faith was not in Pope Benedict XVI. My faith is not in Pope Francis I. My faith is in the wisdom of Christ and the promises he made to Peter. And so I look to the Pope and the bishops and the Church they lead to keep me from going astray, for they are the chosen representatives of Christ, the King of Kings.

Missions

I never used to have a real mission-oriented mind or spirit. But lately, this has changed. I feel a pull in  my heart more and more to reach out to those in need and serve them in the Love of Christ. I feel the desire to heal their bodies with my nursing skills and their spirits with the hope of Life Eternal. Sometimes I want to travel to a third world country and serve people in areas where medical technology has not reached and the gospel of Christ is not well-known. Other times I want to stay in this country and serve those in need on our own soil.  All I know is that I want to serve. I want to make life a little more bearable for people, or to make dying a little less scary.

On that note, I will now tell you all that I got in the wheelbarrow. I applied to be a St. Joseph worker with the Sisters of St. Joseph in St. Paul. If accepted to this program I will spend a year, starting in August, volunteering full-time with an organization in the Twin Cities that serves people in need, such as uninsured immigrants or victims of abuse. It means putting off  my nursing career for a year which is why I was hesitant to apply, but it will teach me so much that I can use in my future career that I know it will be worth it. And I trust that God will provide for me as I give the next year fully to him and his work. This is the first time I’ve taken a real leap of faith that required full dependence on the Lord. It’s scary, but surprisingly peaceful at the same time. The more I think about it, the more excited I am about the possibility of serving the Lord in this way. I’ll let you all know when I find out if I’m accepted or not.

Peace and blessings!

The Lost Years

I recently was introduced to the music of Danielle Rose and I was listening to her album called Mysteries. All of the songs are about the different mysteries of the holy rosary. After listening to this song:  I have this incredibly strong desire to know more about Christ’s childhood. What must it have been like for Mary to know that she was responsible for the care of the Son of God? What must it have been like to realize that he was missing from the caravan? Those first 30 years are so mysterious and I feel like if I knew more about Christ’s early life I could relate to his humanity more. I wish could go back in time and live in Nazareth as a neighbor of the holy family.

Will You Get in the Wheel Barrow

I heard this kind of humorous tale about faith and trust recently. It goes like this:

A man was tight roping across a canyon and he had a huge crowd watching him from below. He made it across successfully and the crowd erupted into cheers. They shouted “Do it again! Do it again! We know you can do it!”

So he said, “Should I do it blindfolded this time?”

“Yes! We believe in you! Do it again!

“Ok. What if I do it blindfolded pushing a wheel barrow?”

“Yes! We believe in you!”

“Do you think I can do it blindfolded, pushing a wheel barrow with someone inside?”

“Yes! We believe in you! You can do anything!”

“Ok. Who wants to sit in the wheel barrow?”

*cricket. cricket.*

You see, they believed in him as long as they didn’t have to get involved. As long as they weren’t personally taking a risk. And that’s kind of what life with God is like. It’s fine to say you trust Him and believe He can do anything. But are you willing to get in the wheelbarrow? I had an amazing opportunity present itself yesterday and if I go through with it, it’s going to take an amazing amount of trust. I’ll be taking a risk and changing plans that I thought would never change. The Lord is inviting me on a wheelbarrow ride across a canyon. I just have to decide if I’m going to get in.

http://www.biblepicturegallery.com

I’ll let you in on the details once I make a decision.

Peace and blessings!

Lenten Reflections Round 1

It’s my first Lent as a confirmed Catholic and I’ve done some reflecting on my journey with Christ so far in my life.

Sometimes, I get a little discouraged about my walk with Jesus. Sometimes I feel like I’m so far from being holy that it’s almost pointless. Almost. But this past week I’ve been getting much encouragement from people and I’m not sure that many of them even know that what they have said has meant that much to me. But it has. For instance, I was doing the readings at my parish’s Ash Wednesday mass and later my friend emailed me and told me that I was glowing and that she loved how she could see the Holy Spirit filling me and transforming me. It gave me so much encouragement because I had felt a little like I was stuck. Like I wasn’t going anywhere on the path Christ had me on. Sometimes it’s easier for others to see the changes within us that it is to see them in ourselves. Sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves and expect more of ourselves than even God does. God is much more gentle with us than we like to think at times.

So after all of these encouraging comments, I started to reflect on where I’ve been and where I am now and a little of where I might be heading. And I’ve seen how much I’ve truly grown and changed in just the last year. I look back on who I was when I began my Lenten journey last year (and was finishing the last part of my journey to confirmation) and I’m amazed at how God has transformed me. I see more growth than I saw in all the previous 4 years of my journey with Christ. Of course there was growth in those first 4 years and I wouldn’t be where I am without them, but my growth has been so much deeper now that I’m Catholic. I know that I still have to persevere. I’m nowhere near the finish, yet. But it’s encouraging to remind myself that growth is possible. I’ve done it before and I’m still growing. Sometimes it just takes other people to make us believe it’s true. So if you see something wonderful that the Spirit is doing in someone, tell them. It might give them some encouragement you didn’t even know they needed.

Peace and blessings!

What’s in your basket?

I have a practice of opening to a random passage in the Bible while in adoration and then seeing what God wants me to learn from that passage. Today, I opened to Zechariah 5:5-11.

The angel appeared again and said, “Look! Something else is coming!”

“What is it?” I asked. He replied,

“It is a basket, and it stands for the sin of the whole land.”

The basket had a lid made of lead. As I watched, the lid was raised, and there in the basket sat a woman! The angel said, “This represents wickedness.” Then he pushed her down into the basket and put the lid back down. I looked up and saw two women flying toward me with powerful wings like those of a stork. They picked up the basket and flew off with it.

I asked the angel, “Where are they taking it?”

He answered, “To Babylonia, where they will build a temple for it. When the temple is finished, the basket will be placed there to be worshiped.”

At first I was like, “Lord, I have no idea what you want me to do with this.” And he told me to be patient.

So I thought some more and I got to thinking about what I might find in my basket. If the Lord were to send me a vision of a basket that represented my sins, what would I find inside?

I might find a man to represent my sometimes overzealous desire for a relationship,  to represent my faulty idea that a relationship will fulfill me. I might find a mirror to represent my vanity or pride. I might find textbooks to represent the fact that I often put my education at a higher priority than my relationship with Christ. I might find a laptop open to my Facebook page to represent my distraction and my need to be liked by others, sometimes even to the extent of not openly sharing my beliefs.

I had asked the Lord this morning to help me begin to identify my sins so that I can address them. And I realized that this is an excellent exercise of the mind to do just that. I’m amazed by how quickly the Lord answered that prayer. If I know what is in my basket, I can avoid building a temple around it and worshiping it. I can put things back in perspective and make sure that God is the priority in my life, and these other things, which are not inherently  bad, will stay in second place.

What things might you find in your basket?